The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
