My hair reeks of homosexuality.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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