It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
