Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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