Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
