my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I want a musical about memes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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