Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I AM VODKA MAN
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
