HIV tests are more positive than that guy
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
