Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
