He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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