She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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