Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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