I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
