I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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