I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
