At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
what day is it and did you see me today?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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