Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
