now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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