I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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