I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
