I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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