I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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