I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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