Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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