You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
