So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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