gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
