Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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