it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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