I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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