I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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