Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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