I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
the raccoons are back...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
