I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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