similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
