Where did you get a picture of my penis
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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