i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just found puke in my bra..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
