Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
