Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
