I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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