At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
