You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
