I wish my penis had an off switch
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize