i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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