Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
