She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Randomize
