I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
