um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
