did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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