My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
