the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
