There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
