I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
