soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There's always time for handjobs
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
