I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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