lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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