I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
