Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
