he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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