Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
